28 February 2010
27 February 2010
26 February 2010
25 February 2010
A few years ago I went on a couple of dates with this guy, D--. Nice guy, a twinge of fluffiness, but real cool. At the end of our second date he told me he didn’t think he could date me because I’m too nice. WTF? Well that’s always been stuck at the back of my brain. This week I decided I am too nice. I allow people to walk all over me. Not that I’m a doormat, exactly, but I do hold my tongue and not stand up for myself. I avoid confrontation as much as possible.
So this week I started to change that Mr. Nice Guy perception.
For starters, a guy I’ve been casually dating off and on had two of my shirts. How he came by them is kind of a long story. I had one of his, which I returned. But he had one shirt for 4 months and the other for 3 months. I finally sent him a text asking when I could get them back. He apologized and made arrangements to drop them off at my house last night. He even had them laundered! So I was happy about that.
The other “stand up for yourself” thing I did was contact a friend about repaying a loan I gave him in December. I have loaned him money before and know that if I don’t say something I won’t get it back. In fact, over a year ago I loaned him a small amount and he never repaid it. And naturally I didn’t say anything. The other day I left him a message on that bear social networking site asking when he was going to repay me. He responded that I’d get my money soon and not to worry about it. I know he thinks I have lots of money to spare because I always come through for him. He doesn’t realize how it comes across though that after borrowing money supposedly to get his van fixed, he talks about scoring weed and attending concerts. Hopefully I’ll see him Sunday and he’ll repay the loan.
Today I decided to stand up for myself regarding this here blog.
Last week I posted about cheating, being the other man, the debate between monogamy and open relationships, and how it affects our winning equal rights, or so I believe. While I wasn’t expecting absolute agreement I was caught off guard by some of the comments. I felt personally attacked which, in my naiveté, I did not expect but should have. I’m not going to apologize for what I wrote; I shouldn’t have to apologize for my beliefs or viewpoint. And I’m not going to get into a pissing match with anyone. For the most part, I publish most comments, whether I agree or not and whether or not I feel attacked. We all have our beliefs, opinions, and thoughts on subjects large and small, important and trivial.
I would like to ask a favor of anyone following and commenting: please re-read whatever I’ve written and think before you fire off a response. My writing isn’t always black and white; it’s nuanced and subtle at times and the deeper meaning can get lost (something I need to work on, evidently). Reading comprehension helps.
And for God’s sake use spell check. There’s nothing more difficult to take seriously than an obvious knee-jerk reaction riddled with spelling and punctuation errors. You’re dealing with someone who has a degree in Journalism and was a technical writer for a decade. If spell check isn’t available then re-read what you wrote before clicking Submit because I’m only going to LMAO at your inability to convey your thoughts error-free. Yeah I’m a grammar snob. Sue me.
I considered dropping this whole blog thing but decided that was being a coward; sharing different opinions is a good thing. And it's not too often that I get too serious. However, if you don't like what I write or don't agree with my opinion or are pissed off at this specific post, then stop following. It’s about me, not you. It’s Behr Blather not Burger King and you can’t have it your way.
I am Behr. Hear me roar.
Back in January when I saw my doctor (he’s an internist, specializing in nephrology), he told me that my triglycerides number was better (yay!) but my cholesterol number went up (boo!). So he outlined briefly some foods I should avoid. So I’ve been trying to eat healthier, including my snacks: blueberries, walnuts, almonds, carrots, that sort of thing. I’ve limited my intake of beef and increased my intake of fish. Chicken is a staple of my diet so that was easy. I’m avoiding lunchmeat despite the convenience. The only difficult food that I’m trying to avoid is “hard cheese.” Well I love cheese of all kinds. So I’m struggling with that.
Been contemplating the gym again or at least taking a walk every night. But it hasn’t gone beyond the contemplation stage. I’m trying to find the motivation. It shouldn’t be difficult but it is. I can find the lamest excuses to avoid physical activity.
I finally joined the masses by purchasing an iPod. I went all out and got the 16G nano. I did not realize how difficult it would be to fill it up! I have made different playlists by genre and even have the music for the show loaded on it and I still have over 12G left. Most of the music I’ve downloaded came from my CD collection (it’s very small). I’m thinking I need to hit the iTunes Store soon. I bought the iPod because I’m hoping when I’m done contemplating and actually find that motivation to get to walking or going to the gym it’ll be a good distraction. I disliked the gym music; I need something a little more motivating.
Things are starting to get a little tense at work. It’s almost Annual Officer Review time and we’ve been told there will be merit raises and limited-to-no bonuses. I’ve gone without a pay rise for the past two years. This is the first year ever that the company did not make a contribution to our profit sharing. The company made a profit just not one large enough to warrant a contribution. It’s a cliché but I’m happy to have a job, especially one I enjoy (on most days). I’m not too concerned with the actual performance appraisal; I know what my rating will be and the usual platitudes that come with it. It’s just difficult to be joking with my boss one day about drag queens and blow jobs and then to be in a serious conversation about my abilities. Uh, my abilities regarding work, not regarding drag queens and blow jobs. (Thought I should clarify that!)
Winston (my cat) is doing well. For the past month or so he’s been sleeping next to me at night. I know he has his little routines and varies them every so often but this one just makes me giddy. It’s so nice to wake up in the morning with him curled up beside me. When I start to pet him, he purrs. And that lulls me back to sleep! Insomnia has rarely been a problem for me but if it is, all I need do is lay on the sofa with Winston curled up on me. Guaranteed sleep in 5…4….3…2…1…
I’m bored with American Idol already. Where are the manly men who sing like men??
21 February 2010
19 February 2010
The perfect Valentine comes postmarked from the fictional town of Almost, Maine, a tiny place where anything can (and does) happen as the Northern Lights play in the sky. A talented ensemble will take patrons on a whirlwind trip through town, eavesdropping on a dozen conversations as couples meet, by chance or design, and try to find that moment when love “clicks.” You are bound to see at least a few loves you know, and maybe a few you lost, in this romantic anthology.
As some of you may remember from previous posts, I've been involved off and on for the past 20-some odd years with this group. For this show I was recruited to do Sound. This is a new adventure for me as I've not done this before. It's exciting because I control what the audience hears, such as the actors' dialog and incidental music. The director and one of the cast members provided CDs with suggested music. From that I culled what I thought was appropriate to "set the mood" for the various vignettes. I'm having a blast! The director has complimented me several times on my selection and execution. That's not to say I'm perfect; at last night's Final Dress Rehearsal there was a slight snafu with music and lights. And I got a couple of "notes" last night. So hopefully tonight's production with an audience will go off without a hitch!
I cannot wait for tomorrow so I can catch up on much needed rest. Aside from the late nights due to rehearsals, I've been staying up to watch Olympic coverage. So that's what's on the agenda for my weekend: theater and sleep.
What are you doing?
17 February 2010
This is one of my favorite sayings, which is attributed to Elizabeth Taylor. I’m not quite certain where I heard it first or if she even said it but I’ve used it frequently over the past several years. I always say it in jest. Or at least, most of the time I say it in jest.
Some time ago – a year or so maybe – I started chatting with someone on one of those bear social network sites. He lives relatively close to me, we had a couple of things in common, and there was a mutual attraction. Lots of heavy cyber-flirting ensued and eventually we met in person. Needless to say, we’ve seen each other off and on a few times and we somehow always end up naked.
This guy has a boyfriend. Perhaps I was deluding myself but I thought things weren’t that great between them and that the boyfriend was a temporary thing. Evidently I was wrong. I recently found out that they’re planning on moving in together. They had decided to wait before making such a commitment; they waited three years.
Although I’m happy for my friend, I’m a little disappointed. I have been wondering how I can get him to stop by after work again. I truly enjoy his company, both in and out of the bedroom. In fact, I’ve enjoyed his company in the living room, the kitchen, and briefly in the back yard! I don’t necessarily want him as a boyfriend but more for a friend with benefits. I doubt the boyfriend is amenable to an open relationship since theirs isn’t an open relationship. It never was. After the last time I saw my friend some time passed. When we finally chatted again I mentioned I hadn’t seen him and he admitted to feeling guilty.
So yeah…that makes me the “other man.” I’m not necessarily proud of that fact but I rationalize it that I’m single and he was the one who actually cheated. I know this sort of thing happens in many gay relationships. I know many gay relationships are open. And while I don’t believe that man was necessarily meant to be monogamous - we are animals after all - I do believe that there should be some sanctity in relationships, especially if we are going to demand our equal rights. Never mind that this sort of thing happens in straight relationships; they are not our concern. We need to rise above our straight counterparts and be better at our relationships. For every long-term monogamous gay couple I know, I can name five open relationship gay couples. And it’s that sort of sexual abandon that will defeat us time and time again in the equal rights battle.
Well that and the whole religious and political vitriol being preached hither and yon.
I used to think that one of the best things about being gay was that we didn’t have to mimic our straight counterparts. We could be as wild and unbounded in our sexual adventures as we liked. But as I creep closer and closer to the half-century mark, it’s not so fun – or available – as when I was younger. I sometimes long for that special someone to whom I will come home and with whom I will grow old. And I don’t want to be “the other man” for the rest of my life.
So rather than try to intervene and seduce my friend back to my boudoir, I will just remain his friend. Because it’s time that I, as a single gay man, take the high road and stop interfering with established relationships and work at building one for myself.
"If you can’t have a happy home…make one."
Maybe that should be my new motto.
16 February 2010
I've started and stopped this post several times over the past couple of days. I'm determined to finish it!
As I mentioned in my last post, Sunday was my father's 80th birthday. Normally to celebrate a birthday my parents, sister, and I go out to dinner. It's never anything fancy, just a time to be together. Since this was a milestone birthday I thought we should do something. Cost usually factors into the decision because my parents insist on paying their share. As luck would have it, Sunday was 'Corporate Partners' day at the LA County Museum of Natural History. My dad thought it would be a nice outing so we four went. (Some time I'll have to post about my estranged brother.)
I had last been at this museum in the 1980's to see the "Mary Rose" exhibit. My friend Lisa and I, both being anglophile/Tudor fanatics, had to see the artifacts brought up from the sea. Sorry that's a whole other talk show.
Being the doofus I am, I didn't take my camera on our outing. For some silly reason I thought picture-taking would not be allowed. But evidently I was wrong. So I took these with my cell phone. That's why they're so bad.
When I was about 3 or 4, we visited this same museum. I remember the hall of animals where the elephants were at the very end. Because they are not behind glass I thought they were real. Okay, they're real, I mean "alive." And I was scared. It's still one of my favorite dioramas, though. There was a cool California History exhibit on the lower level. The insect zoo was a disappointment; I'm not sure if it's because it wasn't as well rounded as I anticipated or if it was all the little kids running around.
All in all it was a fun day. I enjoy museums and wish I took the time to go to more. It's been 20 years or so since I was at the Norton Simon (familiar to those who watch the Rose Parade on New Year's Day) and about 11 years since I was at the new Getty Museum.
Sorry the formatting got screwed up here; I need to learn to edit HTML. I just wanted to give a brief overview of my Valentine's Day.
Incidentally, I didn't receive one card or flower. Maybe next year?
14 February 2010
13 February 2010
12 February 2010
You can visit Jeff's website at www.jeffpalmer.com - and I suggest you do! Mr. Palmer is an award winning photographer whose amazing images evoke many emotions. I've seen his images here and there and can attest to the sheer beauty of them.
I'd like to thank Joseph for not only bringing this to my attention but also for being a Behr Blather follower and his kind words!
It's a 3-day weekend for me since Monday is President's day. How many of you have a long weekend? This weekend is IBR (International Bear Rendezvous) in San Francisco; I know several people who will be attending. Alas, not I. The truth of the matter is, I've never been to a bear event. It's silly but I am afraid I wouldn't be accepted. As it turns out, I have plans for Sunday - see my post then for brief details.
Here in So Cal we're slated to have warmer temps for the weekend. Do I dare say? Sunday's forecast is 80 in downtown LA. Don't hate us! Warm or cold, sunshine or snow, enjoy your weekend of love, everyone. BEHR HUGS!!
10 February 2010
07 February 2010
05 February 2010
04 February 2010
It should come as no surprise that I think of S...and I cry every time I hear this song. With the exception of JB singing to a woman in the clip, the words fit how I think and feel. Perhaps not so much nowadays...ok I admit...I cried last night when I heard this.
Apologies to Howard of Soundtrack to my Day for creeping into his territory.