25 February 2010

Standing Up for Myself

Be warned: this may piss you off.

A few years ago I went on a couple of dates with this guy, D--. Nice guy, a twinge of fluffiness, but real cool. At the end of our second date he told me he didn’t think he could date me because I’m too nice. WTF? Well that’s always been stuck at the back of my brain. This week I decided I am too nice. I allow people to walk all over me. Not that I’m a doormat, exactly, but I do hold my tongue and not stand up for myself. I avoid confrontation as much as possible.

So this week I started to change that Mr. Nice Guy perception.

For starters, a guy I’ve been casually dating off and on had two of my shirts. How he came by them is kind of a long story. I had one of his, which I returned. But he had one shirt for 4 months and the other for 3 months. I finally sent him a text asking when I could get them back. He apologized and made arrangements to drop them off at my house last night. He even had them laundered! So I was happy about that.

The other “stand up for yourself” thing I did was contact a friend about repaying a loan I gave him in December. I have loaned him money before and know that if I don’t say something I won’t get it back. In fact, over a year ago I loaned him a small amount and he never repaid it. And naturally I didn’t say anything. The other day I left him a message on that bear social networking site asking when he was going to repay me. He responded that I’d get my money soon and not to worry about it. I know he thinks I have lots of money to spare because I always come through for him. He doesn’t realize how it comes across though that after borrowing money supposedly to get his van fixed, he talks about scoring weed and attending concerts. Hopefully I’ll see him Sunday and he’ll repay the loan.

Today I decided to stand up for myself regarding this here blog.

Last week I posted about cheating, being the other man, the debate between monogamy and open relationships, and how it affects our winning equal rights, or so I believe. While I wasn’t expecting absolute agreement I was caught off guard by some of the comments. I felt personally attacked which, in my naiveté, I did not expect but should have. I’m not going to apologize for what I wrote; I shouldn’t have to apologize for my beliefs or viewpoint. And I’m not going to get into a pissing match with anyone. For the most part, I publish most comments, whether I agree or not and whether or not I feel attacked. We all have our beliefs, opinions, and thoughts on subjects large and small, important and trivial.

I would like to ask a favor of anyone following and commenting: please re-read whatever I’ve written and think before you fire off a response. My writing isn’t always black and white; it’s nuanced and subtle at times and the deeper meaning can get lost (something I need to work on, evidently). Reading comprehension helps.

And for God’s sake use spell check. There’s nothing more difficult to take seriously than an obvious knee-jerk reaction riddled with spelling and punctuation errors. You’re dealing with someone who has a degree in Journalism and was a technical writer for a decade. If spell check isn’t available then re-read what you wrote before clicking Submit because I’m only going to LMAO at your inability to convey your thoughts error-free. Yeah I’m a grammar snob. Sue me.

I considered dropping this whole blog thing but decided that was being a coward; sharing different opinions is a good thing. And it's not too often that I get too serious. However, if you don't like what I write or don't agree with my opinion or are pissed off at this specific post, then stop following. It’s about me, not you. It’s Behr Blather not Burger King and you can’t have it your way.

I am Behr. Hear me roar.


David Dust said...

It has always been my philosophy that we can blog about whatever the hell we want on our blogs. If people don't like it, no one is forcing them to read.

As far as the blog comments go - there is NO better feeling that hitting "reject" on a blog comment you don't agree with. It is YOUR blog, and if you feel attacked or offended by a comment - or even if you don't like the commenter's grammar, punctuation, or even snide tone - then reject the biatch.

Again, this is YOUR blog - you don't have to publish criticism of yourself if you don't want to. And, frankly, I'm just a little bit tired of holier-than-thou queens who think they can tell the rest of the LGBT community how we should act and how we should think. That's bullshit.

I applaud your "new attitude"...


Michael Rivers said...

Don't change a thing!

Miss Ginger Grant said...

It's a Patti Labelle moment! I LOVE it!

Larry Ohio said...

I think David's comment is perfectly put.

Wonder Man said...

I agree

Bear Me Out said...

As one who has been (still is?) very much a "pleaser," it has been tough learning to step up to the plate. I admire/applaud you! Let the energy well up in you.

Of course, with all those years trying to please others, letting others set my agenda, change hasn't come easily or quickly. But the journey is begun. Go for it, sweet man.

Mark in DE said...

Its good that you are standing up for yourself in different areas. Its partly about self-respect; know that you do not deserve to be mistreated by anyone.

And you're absolutely right about your blog. Its YOUR blog, where you express YOUR thoughts. Others may feel differently and say so, but that does not invalidate your feelings.

Good for you!! :-)