16 May 2013
I don't understand myself. It seems that whenever one of my friends asks for financial help I don't say no. I don't know how many people I've loaned money to over the years. Some pay me back; most don't. One friend in particular is on a limited income and I think my heart goes out to him. He is very good about paying me back. There was another friend I fronted $500. Shortly thereafter we had a bit of a falling out. I asked for the money back and he told me he would "think about it." Six years later he offered to pay me back. I told him to donate it to his local AIDS-related charity.
So last night a friend - an ex boyfriend of sorts - contacted me via a bear social networking site saying he was in trouble and he hoped I could help him. At first I thought he might be in jail. As it turns out, he and his mom share an apartment and are two months behind in rent, mainly because she lives on social security and he has a menial job that hasn't been paying much. Before I talked to him I told myself to say no to giving him money. But then I talked to him and that soft spot in my heart for him took over and the next thing I know I'm sending him $400. He sounded disappointed when I told him that's what I could swing. In all honesty, I could have given him the entire $1200 but I know I won't get it back. And I know next month they'll be right back to where they are now.
Why am I like this? It's not that I expect anything in return, I don't. I am not convinced I even expect to get repaid. I'm not sure if it's because I've been blessed and I know there are people out there struggling and if it's a friend then how can I say no? But I afterwards I often ask myself "If you were in need of money, who among your friends would and could help you?" The sad answer is, not many. And certainly none of those I've loaned money to in the past.
So let me ask: Are you able to say No?
If so, what's your secret?
02 May 2013
28 April 2013
I love this picture...I think it should be titled "Perseverance." It reminds me of all those times I've stubbornly hung onto something - an ideal, a favorite piece of clothing I've outgrown, a relationship - despite the obvious futility of doing so.
I'm back from my short birthday trip to Arizona. I had a good time and am glad I went. I'm sorry I had to come home but truth is, I missed Winston. When I woke up Friday morning I had placed a pillow next to me sometime in the night, obviously to feel as if Winston was cuddled up next to me.
I'm unfortunately not feeling up to blogging about the trip. I feel like I'm barely holding onto my sanity. I don't want to go into details; I guess my birthday week is really over and reality has crashed over me.
Hope everyone is well - BEHR HUGS
21 April 2013
What starts, you may be asking yourself after reading the title of this post and - if you're breathing - checking out the incredibly hot beach daddy. Well let me tell you.
This starts my "birthday week." Now, I normally don't advertise my birthday because I generally don't care for the attention. I may be an ENFJ but I'm an odd ENFJ. I'm making an exception this year because it's a milestone birthday.
I'll be 50 on Friday.
As of this writing, it doesn't bother me. Oh it mystifies me somewhat, but overall I'm okay with my age. Maybe it's because I don't feel my age necessarily. There are times in my head I think I'm still in my 20s. Maybe that's why I've been dating 20-something year olds for the past 8 years.
I think it helps that many people tell me I don't look my age. A female coworker was shocked to find out I'll be 50. She thought I was in my 30s! I told her fat people always look younger.
I'll be working Monday and Tuesday but taking the rest of the week off. I would have liked to have taken more time off but work has interfered. I'm still struggling on finding time to take some extended vacation. I considered going to England but for various reasons I dropped that idea. Mainly that I don't want to travel alone.
And perhaps that's the one downfall of this birthday; I realize how alone I am. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm lonely, just...alone. I have many friends who I love dearly but not many of them can afford to go on a trip with me. And stingy old bastard that I am, I don't want to pay someone else's way. Yeah it's the selfishness in me. That's one train the horoscopes never tell you about Taureans.
I will be taking a mini-trip though. But first let me back up. Today, Sunday, I treated myself out to breakfast. I use to do this quite often but I have found that I need to follow a specific diet and that makes eating out a bit difficult. I can manage but prefer to just cook/eat at home. But today, I went out. Nothing special, French toast, but it was nice. I even went someplace I haven't been to in years.
I'll be working Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday night I'll be having dinner with my friend Roger (see Gay Days 2012) who will be in the area for work. Wednesday morning I'll seeing Rosalee for breakfast. I'm excited about these two meals...two really great people. And of course, with Rosalee it's ultra-special.
On Thursday I'll be driving to Phoenix, AZ and going to a couple of baseball games. I've been an Arizona Diamondbacks fan ever since they became an expansion team and fully supporting them despite changes in managers and team colors. I have no idea what I'll be doing during the day on Friday since the game is in the evening but I'm sure I'll find some trouble to get into. After all, Phoenix is the city of my birth and I thought it fitting to spend my day there.
The rest of the weekend will be spend driving home, spending time with family and prepping for the following work week. Not overly exciting but hey! at my age one can't have too much excitement. LOL
So there you have it...I'll be taking a mini-trip back to my birthplace to celebrate my milestone birthday. I've know of a couple of restaurants I want to visit (it's always about food with me). I'm looking forward to it and I'm getting a bit excited.