30 May 2013

My Friend

I found out tonight that my beautiful friend, Rosalee, passed away earlier this week.

I am devastated.

I blogged about Rosalee and our friendship about a month ago. Since that blog, I was able to see her...we went to breakfast and shared laughs and near-tears and basked in the beauty of our friendship. She started to fade and so I took her home. Nothing doing, I had to go in and sit and continue our conversation. If I had known that was the last time I was going to see her, I would have said so much more than I did.

I am confident that she knows that I love her and adore her. I miss her so much already.

Her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer got me to writing poetry again. Well...one poem. I have not yet finished it. It's about her. I think subconsciously I thought if I didn't finish it, she would remain with us.

I now need to finish it. If there's an opportunity, I'd like to share it at her memorial, which is yet to be planned. I so wanted her to hear it. I wanted her to know that she inspired creativity and that so many people were able to "get" poetry.

Rest in Peace, my beautiful friend. 

Your spirit lives within me.

I will always love you.

28 May 2013

Another Year Another Arthritis Walk

This coming Sunday (June 2) I will once again participate in the Arthritis Foundation's local walk to raise money and awareness. I'm not doing so well with raising money this year; I think partly because I recently donated to other friends' causes (AIDS, Lupus) and at work we're still in the midst of our annual Workplace Giving campaign.

There's also the competing walk in September for the National Kidney Foundation, which is nearer to my heart than this one. I have done the Arthritis Walk for about 7 years now and I walk for my Mom. This will be the 4th Kidney Walk and I walk for myself.

I just can't ask people to support both causes. So unfortunately one has to win out and this year it'll be the Kidney Walk. So I'll really be pushing that later on this year (hint hint).

I'm hoping I'll be able to complete the 3 mile walk. I've lately been having trouble with my feet and legs. Yes, I know losing weight would help but since cardio is a good way to lose weight and that hurts my feet it's a Catch-22, isn't it? The fact I have gout (caused by medication for the kidney thing) doesn't help.

This past weekend saw a lot of foot action for me too. Minds out of the gutter!

I'm once again involved in the local community theater and Sunday we moved the set in and yesterday had our first tech rehearsal. It went very well. But I was on my feet a lot plus Mom and I went for our Sunday walk which is , if my pedometer is correct, about 2 miles. Today my feet are screaming inside my dress shoes. Did I mention I wear orthotics, too? I'm a hot mess, I tell ya!

So my Memorial Day weekend was partially busy partially lazy. Just the right combination!

Hoping everyone is well....


24 May 2013

I Want to Hurt You Just to Hear You Screaming My Name

For those of us having difficulty moving on from a "poisonous" relationship: Alice Cooper


16 May 2013

Generous to a Fault?

I don't understand myself. It seems that whenever one of my friends asks for financial help I don't say no. I don't know how many people I've loaned money to over the years. Some pay me back; most don't. One friend in particular is on a limited income and I think my heart goes out to him. He is very good about paying me back. There was another friend I fronted $500. Shortly thereafter we had a bit of a falling out. I asked for the money back and he told me he would "think about it." Six years later he offered to pay me back. I told him to donate it to his local AIDS-related charity.

So last night a friend - an ex boyfriend of sorts - contacted me via a bear social networking site saying he was in trouble and he hoped I could help him. At first I thought he might be in jail. As it turns out, he and his mom share an apartment and are two months behind in rent, mainly because she lives on social security and he has a menial job that hasn't been paying much. Before I talked to him I told myself to say no to giving him money. But then I talked to him and that soft spot in my heart for him took over and the next thing I know I'm sending him $400. He sounded disappointed when I told him that's what I could swing. In all honesty, I could have given him the entire $1200 but I know I won't get it back. And I know next month they'll be right back to where they are now.

Why am I like this? It's not that I expect anything in return, I don't. I am not convinced I even expect to get repaid. I'm not sure if it's because I've been blessed and I know there are people out there struggling and if it's a friend then how can I say no? But I afterwards I often ask myself "If you were in need of money, who among your friends would and could help you?" The sad answer is, not many. And certainly none of those I've loaned money to in the past.

So let me ask: Are you able to say No?

If so, what's your secret?


02 May 2013

Is It Me?

Or is Beyonce looking kinda manly?