16 May 2013

Generous to a Fault?

I don't understand myself. It seems that whenever one of my friends asks for financial help I don't say no. I don't know how many people I've loaned money to over the years. Some pay me back; most don't. One friend in particular is on a limited income and I think my heart goes out to him. He is very good about paying me back. There was another friend I fronted $500. Shortly thereafter we had a bit of a falling out. I asked for the money back and he told me he would "think about it." Six years later he offered to pay me back. I told him to donate it to his local AIDS-related charity.

So last night a friend - an ex boyfriend of sorts - contacted me via a bear social networking site saying he was in trouble and he hoped I could help him. At first I thought he might be in jail. As it turns out, he and his mom share an apartment and are two months behind in rent, mainly because she lives on social security and he has a menial job that hasn't been paying much. Before I talked to him I told myself to say no to giving him money. But then I talked to him and that soft spot in my heart for him took over and the next thing I know I'm sending him $400. He sounded disappointed when I told him that's what I could swing. In all honesty, I could have given him the entire $1200 but I know I won't get it back. And I know next month they'll be right back to where they are now.

Why am I like this? It's not that I expect anything in return, I don't. I am not convinced I even expect to get repaid. I'm not sure if it's because I've been blessed and I know there are people out there struggling and if it's a friend then how can I say no? But I afterwards I often ask myself "If you were in need of money, who among your friends would and could help you?" The sad answer is, not many. And certainly none of those I've loaned money to in the past.

So let me ask: Are you able to say No?

If so, what's your secret?



Stan said...

Unfortunately I am just like you. I have a hard time saying no to anybody about anything. I think after a while word must get around that we're softies. The worst part is when I do say no to somebody, which is rare, I always feel guilty about it afterward.
I haven't been asked to help anyone out financially lately because I've been strapped myself but now I'm in good shape and wouldn't mind helping someone if they really needed it because I've been there myself.
So don't be hard on yourself. Your not alone.

iama{GAY}tkeeper known as thegaytekeeper said...

I say no 20% of the time, but I know how you feel.

BearTalks said...

Well, for close friends - i can't! :( (And that's bad, cause I still have some money to collect, but...) All other not so close ones wouldn't ask me anyway, but I guess it would be easier to reject? Who knows... Seems like the only way to "escape" from that is if: 1) you are broke all the time too, or 2) you have only rich friends :D

Mind Of Mine said...

I am able to say no, when I think its for something trivial. I would have said no, if someone text me on a dating App, if someone was going to ask me for a substantial amount of money, they should have at least have the respect to call.

Btw, can I borrow $500 dollars for hookers and drugs?

Erik Rubright said...

You're definitely not alone. I have a difficult time saying no. It appears to be about the only soft spot I have left.

Miss Ginger Grant said...

Wow... I must be a real bitch.... people don't even ASK me for money... I suppose they think they know what the answer will be! I think of myself as an incredibly generous person, and I give what I think is a LOT of money to qualified charities.... I'd love to think that it's because our community has a well-rounded amount of well-funded organizations that can help anyone who is in need...

but alas, I'm afraid it's just because people think I'm an ice cold bitch.

I wish they could get to know me!

Nik_TheGreek said...

You're too nice. I can't say no to my close friends. I even offer them help before even begin asked. However, I think I can draw the line to people that seem to only remember I exist when they need something...

Rick said...

Hell yeah I can say no and you should as well. I'm not an Oprah fan but I liked what she says when someone asks her for a loan, "if you don't have any money now, what makes you think you will have money later to pay me back?".
I loaned a so called friend money when he had a DUI. He paid me back the $1500 but acted pissed that he had to and we were never friendly again.
Fuck em and feed em fish heads.
They can go to a pawn shop like I used to do when I was in college. I'd be starving but I'd never ask anyone for shit. Not even my parents.
Be a cocksucker and that's all.

WickedGayBlog.com said...

You have a good heart. It was nice reading this. Sometimes I feel silly or that I was a fool to help and other times I feel so happy I was able to. Reading your post made me realize there are good people like you in the world who I continue to inspire to be more like.

In Pride,

David, WGB

Anonymous said...

I'm like you, I can never say no. Most of the time I don't get paid back either. Usually I don't mind, but like you, I'm doubtful that I would I get any help if circumstances were reversed.