Lazy Wednesday

I so wish I didn't have to go to work today....I'd love to just go back to bed and lounge the entire day. Especially if I were to find THIS hot bear in my bed. Woof!

Here's a quick Behr Update:

I've been doing fairly okay. I keep meaning to blog here but I get easily distra-SQUIRREL! 

Work has been going okay. I'm keeping busy which helps the day to move by a bit more quickly.

I've been seeing O a bit more again. We go through these cycles where we may text each other almost every friggin' day but don't physically see each other then suddenly it's almost every weekend we hang out. It's been nice, we've gone to the movies, checked out comic book stores, and of course cuddled and fucked. In fact, O was in the middle of pounding my ass last weekend when we were interrupted by my pest control company!

Winston is good. We haven't had quite the heatwave as predicted so he seems to be handling the weather okay. He's spending a lot of time under the bed, which I don't understand but when I get home from work he's very loving and talkative. I'm not sure if he's telling me about his day or complaining about something...but the talk is accompanied by purring so it could be vocalized love. 

That's about all I have. Peace out.

BEHR HUGS

Sunday Favorite: 91

It's Autumn! There's a nip in the morning air and the nights are cooler. Only the days still reflect the heat of summer. Major League Baseball continues to drag on in its interminable season...not that I care since my boys - the Arizona Diamondbacks - blew their National League West number one position after the All-Star Game. And now we have football reigning supreme on Sundays. I'm not much into football but do try to follow one team - you guessed it - the Arizona Cardinals. They're not doing as well as they could but not as worse as some other teams.

I've been feeling fairly beat down lately. I've been dealing with a cold for over a week, which as you know can wear one down physically. I'm also fairly beat down emotionally. I've mentioned O occasionally here...he's someone I've been hanging out with quite a bit for the past year and a half. Against my better judgment I started developing feelings for him. I thought he was doing the same. We've both said the "L" word (no, not lesbian!) and I know we both enjoy each other's company. 

Last weekend O and I were supposed to go to lunch with a friend of mine. Since I woke up with a cold, I decided to cancel as I really didn't need to pass it on and I needed to get over it. I was disappointed because I really wanted to see O but he said he understood and for me to not be upset, that I need to rest and get well. He reminded me that he loves me and all will be good. What a guy, right? Later than day I texted him to see what he was doing and he was out with friends walking about in LA. He mentioned feeling lonely though. I asked him about that and he said he's still in love with his ex-boyfriend and can't stop thinking of the guy. WTF?! O decided he needed to be alone so he can work things out. He did text a couple days later and I tried to respond neutrally. I initiated another conversation on Thursday and told him that I only want the best for him even if it doesn't include me. He responded that he does want me in his life, that I've made a positive impact on his life, but that he needs to get over this other guy. Evidently O doesn't feel anything for me, otherwise this other guy from his past would not be an issue. Or am I wrong about that?

So here it is Sunday and I've been alone all weekend. I had a good conversation with a friend I haven't talked to in a long time (this was live on the phone!) and I saw my folks for about an hour yesterday. I didn't go over there today because my mom isn't feeling well and I'm still hacking up globs of green gunk from my lungs. Sorry - TMI? I want to text O but then I feel that if I do I'm swaying him or bothering him or sounding desperate.

I used to say that being alone doesn't mean having to be lonely. Today...I'm feeling alone. I don't understand what is wrong with me...I'm educated, employed in a good job, I own my own truck, own my home, am a loyal friend, and oft times overly generous...I don't think I'm that bad looking although for a majority of the population I could stand to lose 100 pounds. 

Since this is a mystery to me, I've decided I need to reevaluate my life. I need to figure out what it is I want, who I want in my life - romantically and platonically, and where I want to be in five or ten years, etc. I need to make a plan and execute it. So I've started a period of soul searching.

I'm open to advice...both positive and critical criticisms...please feel free to comment or email me (see sidebar). It's probably too late to do this sort of thing at age 50...but what the hell. I'm tired of being on the brink of happiness to have it snatched away.

BEHR HUGS

Behr Bits: Jan 2012

Well here we are, half-way through the first month of the new year already. Where the fuck does the time go? Seriously...is there a black hole swallowing up time?


Late last year I switched to the "new" Blogger...although I sometimes click on the wrong thing or something happens that isn't quite what I wanted I'm finding it to be very user friendly. Including pictures is way easier except for the whole how to order thing...they now go in in the order you've selected them. Before uploading though, you can rearrange them. You can also include captions, and move the pictures individually. I also like the way you can schedule and label the posts. AND...perhaps the best part for a visual person like me...the preview shows you exactly what it'll look like. 


I'm sure I've mentioned that about 2 years ago I drank the Kool Aid and became a MAC owner. I've never looked back. I also own an iPod and an iPhone, which is perhaps the best thing to happen to me since I learned to jerk off. So for two years the PC, monitor, printer, and other accessories have been collecting dust in my spare room. I have a friend I could have asked to help with the PC but he'd already helped once and I don't like people thinking that I can't manage a stupid computer. This past December I gave the PC and an old laptop to O. I also gave him the monitor, printer, an old router, and all sorts of software discs, cords, ethernet cables, et cetera. O is going to school to learn to service computers and thought he could use them for whatever. I asked him though to see if he could extract my files.


I heard from O yesterday...he tried but couldn't not recover the files; evidently they were erased at one point. He was very apologetic. I didn't really think they were recoverable but thought it didn't hurt. My only disappointment is that I had a TON of pictures, both of the personal nature and the pornographic. I had a lot of pictures of S and friends that are now lost to me forever. *sigh* 


It's a long weekend, thanks to the Martin Luther King Jr. day on Monday. I don't have big plans; tonight I'll be seeing friends in a production of Romeo and Juliet. And I think a trip to Disneyland is in order for Monday. Other than that, it's fairly status quo: laundry, yard work, house cleaning, etc. It's overcast and currently 45 degrees here; I know I need to go out and start the yard work but I'm enjoying my coffee and the news.


Hope everyone is well and that you have a great weekend!


BEHR HUGS

Christmas Eve Eve

Yesterday afternoon I got together with O, who is admittedly very handsome, a great kisser, and an even better cocksucker. That's probably impolite but you may as well know the score up front!

O and I have been hanging out a bit for the past few months. We met online, naturally. I enjoy his company, he's pretty laid back, and we do share quite a few common interests despite the 23 year age difference.

Yeah yeah yeah. I'm a cradle robber. Sue me.

So I picked him up and we went to have ice cream. After that we decided to see a movie and headed over to the theater that was showing My Week With Marilyn. We were about 2 hours early so we walked through the nearby mall after purchasing our tickets.

O is a gamer - among other things - and when he saw the Grab N Go he had to try to win something. There was a particular item and I told him if he won it for me I'd be his boyfriend. He tried but failed unfortunately.

Later on, when we were passing the machine again, he insisted on trying. So we got some change and VOILA! He won the item - a Kenny doll!!

O proceeded to win Desperaux doll and a Curious George doll. At the end of the evening he gave me the Kenny doll.

The movie was quite good. For those who don't know, it's a true story about a young man's interactions with Marilyn Monroe while she was filming The Prince and the Showgirl with Laurence Olivier and Dame Sybil Thorndike (played to perfection by Kenneth Branagh and Judi Dench, respectively). Michelle Williams plays Marilyn in what I can only assume will be an Oscar-nominated performance. Sadly, there were only four other people in the theater.

After the movie, we went for a bite to eat. Before going into the restaurant, I gave O his Christmas presents, which he liked. We had a nice dinner then I took him home.

As he said, it was a really awesome date. Especially since it was all unplanned! It was a very nice start to the holiday weekend.

Christmas Eve has so far been a lazy day. Isn't that what holidays are about?

BEHR HUGS