31 August 2011

Dating: Near Disasters + Success

I realize that first impressions can some times be wrong. But this past week had I had two bad first impressions of guys I had yet to meet.

First, there was the guy who kept hounding me on the "big boy" site to meet. Let's call him G. I finally acquiesced and gave G my phone number so we could set something up. This was at the beginning of my cold, btw. So G calls and proceeds to ramble on for over an hour about his friend's dating situation. THEN he wanted to know what I thought. I basically told him my opinion, including he sounds too invested in this friend's drama. So we set up a time to meet - again at a coffee place - for one night the following week. I unfortunately had to work late that night and my cold was starting to blow up; so I texted the guy and cancelled. There was miscommunication and he didn't realize I was cancelling. (This is where the lesson of reviewing all text messages first comes in handy.) I haven't heard from him since. He may be waiting for me to reschedule.

This past Sunday I narrowly missed another dating disaster. A guy from one of the bear social networking sites asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. I agreed and suggested a meet up time of 6:30 pm. This was due to it being Sunday and I had existing plans. This guy's response was "Okay! Are you HIV negative? I'm free of STDs and am clean!!"

WTF? Do I really need to know this to have coffee? Unless "do you want to meet for coffee" is code for "do you want to have sex," I failed to understand why this would be his response. I'm sure you already know what I did....I waited until 6:15 and cancelled on him. Not nice of me, I fully realize. I just didn't understand his line of thinking...unless he didn't want to waste precious coffee time.

It was the same evening I got a request from yet another guy to meet (one would think I'm popular but I'm not since most of these guys don't cut the initial grade). I was honest with him upfront and said that I wasn't looking to hook up. He said OK and I apologized for being blunt. I then asked when/where he wanted to meet (since he's about a 1 1/2-2 hour drive). He named a bar - called The Hookup - that's about 30 miles from me - and a time. I've yet to respond but I feel a bit obligated to go.

I know I should give these guys a second chance (or even a first chance). I know I need to put myself out there if I ever want a relationship or at least new friends. I'm sometimes ashamed at myself for being so selective and not overlooking minor faux pas. But let me tell you another story.

Yesterday I met another guy with whom I've been chatting on a bear social networking site. We met for lunch. It was completely impromptu; we found out we work semi-close to each other and when he asked if we were ever going to meet, I thought "What the hell?" I really expected him to come up with an excuse not to meet but he didn't. So I hoofed it the six blocks south and four blocks east to meet him (my feet are killing me today). I had to wait a few minutes for him - which didn't bother me. I really expected this to be a "meet, eat, say goodbye" and that would be it. I was wrong.

When he walked up to me, he reached out to shake my hand. A gentleman! We fell easily into conversation. We walked a few blocks to a fast food joint and ordered. When we got to the table, he excused himself to go wash his hands. I laughed because I'm the same way; I have to wash my hands before eating. Our food arrived and we both ate slowly; I think we were subconsciously drawing it out. We talked about our jobs, where we live, rollercoasters, amusement parks...it was a nice conversation. We walked to his car and he drove me back to my building (and my feet thank him). After he pulled up to the curb and as I unbuckled the seatbelt, he said "I hope we can meet again soon." I turned to look at him...and I started to ask...but didn't. I just said "I'm going for it." And we kissed. Not a full on, tongue thrusting kiss, just a very nice, lips on lips kiss. I said "Oh we are definitely seeing each other again."

I have no idea what prompted me to meet him. I have no idea why I'm feeling completely smitten with him. We texted all through the afternoon/evening. He even texted me a picture of himself holding a guitar at the beach and he says he'll serenade me. Flattery and romance: they get me every time.

I could worry about a few things: the age difference, the distance between where we each live, the lifestyle differences...but I'm not going to. For once I'm going to enjoy the fact that someone who likes me did everything right and I'm going to enjoy the ride. I'm seeing him again on Friday night. He wants to take me to his favorite restaurant. How cute is that?

I admit to the inability to stop smiling. There are worse things, right?



Seth Rogaine said...

I totally understand where you're coming from, behr.

The last guy sounds pretty awesome.

I don't blame you for feeling less-than-enthusiastic about the other guys (the drama babbler and the assembly-line hook-up guy).

I hope your Friday night is a good one!


Cubby said...

Oh Mark, that last guy sounds wonderful! I hope things go well Friday night. It's a holiday weekend. Maybe you can spend some good time together getting to know each other.

P.S. I'm smiling for you too :-)

Stan said...

Isn't it always that way? The decent guys always live far out. Good luck on Friday. He sounds like a nice guy and gentleman.

Mark in DE said...

I don't belong to any such sites but I imagine that many who do belong do so to meet guys, mostly for hooking up and sometimes to find an LTR. I think you are absolutely right to be selective about who you meet in person. While it may be your tendancy to over-scrutinize things, I applaud your decision to meet the fellow for lunch without having planned it days/weeks in advance. The fact that your 1st meeting was so "easy" is a good sign. I look forward to follow-ups on this! Good for you. :-)

LovelessOso said...

I'm so happy that you had a great time with the last guy, hope this Friday is wonderful for you!! Romance isn't dead its just rare.

Nik_TheGreek said...

Relax and enjoy your date tomorrow. Let us know how it went!

Wonder Man said...

sounds like a keeper

CJ/Rick said...

Aren't you a lil butterfly?