I'm not sure where to start with this...but I've had a turn of events in my life. As you may remember, I was taking today off as a vacation day. It was just going to be a fun day, perhaps a trip to Disney, possibly a late afternoon movie with O that would have most assuredly included dinner.
On Friday afternoon I was informed that my position has been eliminated.
To say I was - and still am - in shock is putting it mildly. My immediate boss and a Business Partner Manager (a/k/a employee relations) dropped this bombshell. The BPM talked through the situation and gave me a blue folder filled with information and forms for signing. Evidently I have about 14 days to sign the separation agreement which basically says I won't sue the company. If I sign this agreement then I get a (generous) severance package. But that doesn't eliminate the sting of being let go after 18 years of service.
And speaking of 18 years of service...I want to know why this was all done hush-hush. I wasn't escorted out of the building but I was told that my personal things will be packed up and sent to me. I was basically asked to turn in my badge and keys and to leave. This was a job elimination NOT a firing. I did nothing wrong. So why was I treated so? I'm expected to walk away from 18 years of professional and personal relationships that I formed over the years without saying goodbye? That goes to show that the company knows this isn't right because now they can spin the story however they want without my presence to dispute it. I did send one email to someone I worked with these 18 years. I sent it from my personal email address.
Tomorrow I'm going to ride the train into LA so I can tell my train buddies that I won't be on the train. At least not for a long while.
I've never gone through anything like this before. I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude but I admit I'm still in the "denial" and shock stage. Anger is creeping in and I know will take over soon. I've always wanted to have a steady income but not have to actually work for it but I wanted it to be MY decision.
I've decided to wait a week before looking into revising my resume and beginning the job search. I need time to get my head around this. I can say though without hesitation that I have an awesome family. Friday I called my sister and told her what happened and we went to dinner. She was very good at listening and giving me a bunch of info she printed off the internet as well as a handful of different gift cards...which I thought was sweet but I had to tell her I'm not out of money or destitute! Telling my parents was really difficult because - although it isn't my fault - there's a stigma to losing one's job and a sense of guilt and failure. My parents were both very supportive and - as my sister had reminded me - my father went through this twice during his career. So he totally understands what I'm going through mentally and emotionally.
So I'm going to be around a while. Haha! I do want to do the job search thing although at 51 years of age it scares the bejesus out of me. I also want to concentrate on some other things, like having the time to do serious yard work, housecleaning, and taking care of those little things that have gone undone.
Expect me to revisit these topics over the next few weeks/months. And if I start sounding like a broken record or as if I'm feeling sorry for myself then please comment and tell me to grow a pair!
My future my be uncertain but for now...I'm treating this as a well-deserved vacation.
BEHR HUGS
